Experienced the Father's Love for the First Time!
Sunday morning I attended both services. I struggled a lot with being lonely and decided to go to both. Pastor Tom began prophesying and at one point asked for those who needed healing for a broken heart to stand up for prayer . He then asked members to go pray for them. I was standing there and no one came to me and of course the enemy....or my mind...started telling me see you still aren't important here no one sees you, your not wanted, this is an area I have always struggled with. So I asked God why don't you see me? I guess I don't belong here either. Again something I struggled with. I always have felt out of place, unwanted , and unimportant. The past few years I have sort of hardened my heart to that or covered it up with"strength"? But deep down I knew it was still there. So after saying these things to God I sat down. Alone. Feeling that sinking lonely feeling over taking me once again. At the end of the service, Pastor Charlie came over to me and said, "God told me to tell you He sees you!" She then began praying for me and for my mind and my heart.
Shortly afterwards Pastor Tom came over and introduced himself to me, asking if was a first time visitor and I told him no, I had started attending in 1994 but had been gone about 8 years and had just started back. This was during the first service. During worship, the Lord told me to go up front and worship with Pastor Sally and I didn't listen at first. But during the second song he said, "I TOLD YOU TO GO UP THERE" and I knew I had to. I went up, hugged her and told her God told me to come up here. There is a long history with me and pastor Sally. We've been friends for over 30 years, but circumstances had pulled us apart. Right after that, Pastor Tom came and whispered in my ear, "He brought you home to heal you!"
At that second God pulled me down into His lap and I started crying hysterically. I literally laid my head on His shoulder and let Him hold me. Bawling the whole time. What's so awesome about this is I have been saved for over 35 years and there's always been something missing or a block in my relationship with God. My real father left me when I was 9 months old, and then I had an abusive step father. One of my oldest memories is wanting to sit in my step father's lap when my sister, his real daughter, was on it. I remember clearly him taking her off and thinking he was going to let me, but instead he picked me up and threw me across the room. Every time someone talked of sitting in daddy God's lap it only made me cringe. This is the first time I have experienced the Fathers love! I knew He loved me in my head but did not feel it in my heart. I never could see God as daddy, or see that he really loved me as his child. I had nothing to compare that to. I'd never known a father's love. Since then, I have been overwhelmed by His love for me. Writing this testimony I feel it, driving to work I feel it , I feel it everywhere. That wall has come down and for the first time ever I know... REALLY KNOW, He loves me. I am excited to see what he has for me because I know this one thing has always stopped me from His purpose for me. I am so glad I swallowed my pride and listened to Him when He said to go up front! I think next time I'll obey even sooner!
